Today Ms Jill returned to our class for our second Child Protection session. The focus of today’s session was touch. She approached the discussion by dividing touch into four categories: Safe, Unsafe, Wanted and Unwanted.
These she defined as:
- Unsafe: Touch that can be hurtful, kicking, pushing etc., as well as touching of private body parts.
- Safe: Touch that won’t be hurtful, and isn’t threatening.
- Wanted: Touch that feels good and respectful. Both the toucher and the touched are comfortable with this.
- Unwanted: Touch that you don’t want. It might not be ill intended, but you don’t want it, like too much tickling or affection in a way that feels uncomfortable.
Most touches, she stated, were safe and wanted. Touch, in fact is a basic human need. We read the book “My Body is Private“. She made the analogous comparison to the privacy of communications: mail, chats etc. We spoke about different privacy expectations in different homes, regarding closed doors, knocking and more. She introduced some correct vocabulary for private body parts, including breasts, penis, vagina and bottom, so that we could all discuss things accurately when necessary. Then she introduced the Touching Rule.
The Touching Rule: No one should touch your private body parts except to keep you clean and healthy.
In our school, the rule with any kind of touching is: if someone says “stop” or “no”, the person doing the touching must stop immediately. You get to say how and when people are allowed to touch you.
In response to a question about Unsafe/Unwanted touch, Ms Jill introduced some safety steps.
- Say words that mean NO
- Get away
- Tell an adult
Some students shared stories where they felt uncomfortable in interactions with strangers. We then discussed our “gut feelings”, trusting our impulses when we’re uncomfortable, and erring on the side of caution when we don’t know someone’s intentions. Some families, Ms Jill said, have a “safe word”, a word that signifies to all members of the family that a message being communicated is real, and a person is to be trusted.